The kind that's happy to completely miss every point going, as long as its favourite characters look cool.īut nevertheless, there was the possibility of a solid game in the concept. When Hicks actually shows up in person with a cringingly awkward retcon for his meaningless death in the films, played by the original actor with a voice sounding like an 80 year old chain smoker reading off the label on his medication bottle, we realise we are playing fanfiction. Set several months after the events of the film, Colonial Marines has its eponymous jarheads show up in response to the distress signal left by Hicks from the film, to officially call 'DO OVER,' kill all the aliens, and take it in turns to do that thing where you stand with one foot upon a defeated enemy and gaze into the middle distance with hotties clinging to your knees. My reading of Aliens was that the marines in the film were supposed to be all mouth on the surface and cotton Y-fronts underneath, mostly slaughtered within minutes so that token sensible person] [ Ripley is left to wipe their bumsies, and a game about them would be like a Blues Brothers game in which you play as the police.

It's clear that Colonial Marines is just the vapour coming off a big pot of shit stew that has been bubbling resentfully away for a very long time, but if you ask me, the starting concept itself is questionable. Maybe I'm just feeling slightly bitter because everyone involved in the game's development has been doing my job for me since it came out, desperately trying to blame the seventeen other companies involved in its creation like a row of schoolchildren attempting to deduce who dropped the really eggy fart. Oh, I see! No-one wants me around when the new Call of Duty is training you to ignore yet another quality recognition instinct, but the moment something comes along that offends what few atrophied taste buds you have left, then suddenly I'm your personal attack gopher! Well, how do you know I don't actually really like Colonial Marines?! I don't it's fucking atrocious, but you'd have looked pretty silly if I had, wouldn't you!? 'Oh Yahtzee, we're looking forward to hearing your opinions on this one!' trilled several correspondents this week, and then they ran away like they'd just lit a firework or pushed a friend into the girl's toilets or thrown an unwanted child into a pen with a scary dog. And so, we address the second half of 'Not-Particularly-Scary-Multiplayer-Focused-Sci-Fi-Action-Horror Fortnight' with Aliens: Colonial Marines.

Aliens colonial marines split screen